Shut Up Venom

As soon as Eddie surfaces from the water, wreckage still burning around him, he's screaming.

"Venom?  Venom!"

"If you don't shut up, I'm going to eat your liver."

Eddie laughs, almost drowning himself in the process.  "Oh thank God!  Don't scare me like that, V!"

"Well, shocked me, too."

"That's not reassuring."

"Get us to dry land and I'll be more reassuring.  Dumbass way to die, drowning."

"We're not going to drown."

"Good.  Because I will eat you."

Eddie huffs a laugh, and starts swimming for shore. He can kind of feel Venom in the back of his mind, taking stock of his wounds, and working on healing them. As a result, by the time he gets back to shore, he's hungry.

"Can we get something to eat?"

"What do you want?" There's a pause as Venom thinks. "Besides humans. They don't count." The pause turns distinctly sulky. Eddie grins internally as he trudges up the bank. "Venom?"

"I don't know. What do you have?" Venom's voice still sulky.

Eddie chuckles. "I have tater tots." He pauses and thinks. "And chocolate sauce. But that won't be any good on tots."

"Try it. You never know."

Eddie actually gives a full-body shiver at the idea of that taste combination, and Venom laughs at him. The fact that Venom can laugh makes Eddie decide he'll try the disgusting idea. "I think I'm going to need alcohol for this. And ice cream, maybe. Wash the taste down."

"Not looking like this. What's alcohol?"

Eddie grins. "I'll show you. I think I actually have both at the house. Maybe."

"Eddie!" Suddenly they have their arms full of Annie, and Venom becomes very, very quiet. "Thank God, I thought you were dead! Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I think." Eddie gives her an awkward hug. "Where's my bike?"

"Don't even - I'm driving you home. You look like you've been blown up." She barrels on before he can say anything. "Where's Venom?"

Venom sends him the mental impression of a finger to lips, and Eddie puts on his best devastated face. Luckily, he's banged up enough that it looks legit. Although with the way Venom is laughing at him, it might not hold. "He's gone."

Annie hugs him again, and Eddie pulls away. "I'm sorry, Eddie. Are you hurt?"

Eddie makes a non-committal noise, and looks around. "We should - we should go before the cops show up. They uh, they don't like me right now." He hears Venom snort in the back of his head.

"Can't imagine why."

Eddie sincerely wishes he could tell Venom to shut up, and sends the impression back to the symbiote. Shut up, Venom. He can actually feel Venom laughing at him, as he follows Annie back to her car. They're well back in city when cops go screaming past them to the lab, and the blown up ship. Eddie ducks further down in his seat as they go by.

"How long are you planning to hide?" Annie asks, faint amusement in her voice.

"Until they don't want to arrest me. I don't know how long that takes."

"That might be a while."

Eddie makes it a point to not react to that, although he kinda wants to grin. Annie just shakes her head, oblivious. "You should let me take you to the hospital. Check you over for injuries."

"Nah, I'm fine."

"You got blown up."

"You got so blown up."

"Bite me." Annie snorts, and Eddie just flashes her a weak smile. "Venom took the worst of the hit. I think I'm fine."

"You're welcome, by the way."

"The fire killed him." Annie says softly. "I'm so sorry. How are you - "

"I just want to go home and sleep." Eddie cuts her off. "I can't deal with anything right now."

"Right. Okay."

"I'm still hungry."

How many times is he gonna have to tell the parasite to shut up?

"Hey! I'm not a parasite!"

Eddie can feel Venom seething in the back of his head, and he has to fight to keep his face straight. He mentally praises God when they pull up to his apartment building, and he climbs out of the car. "Thanks, Annie. Tell Dan thanks, too."

"I will. Eddie - if you need to, call me." Annie's voice is quiet and earnest, and it makes Eddie wince.

"I uh, I will." Eddie gives her a little wave. "Go home and get some rest. I'm sure Dan's worried."

Annie nods, and pulls away. Eddie watches her go, and once her taillights disappear around the corner, heads into his building. He notes the caution tape is gone from around his door, so he nudges it open, noting the new door in general, and looks around.

"The bodies are gone. That's a shame - I was looking forward to eating them."

"I thought you liked them fresh." Eddie muses, walking over to his fridge and peeking inside. He finds the beer, tots, and chocolate sauce no problem. The ice cream appears to have already been eaten. With a shrug, he pops the tots into the microwave.

"Fresh is preferred. Dead works, too."

"You're too hungry to be picky."

"That's why I'm eating tater tots."

Eddie sits on the counter and waits for the microwave to ping. "So, wanna tell me why you want Annie to think you're dead?"

Venom sends the impression of a shrug. "She doesn't seem to like me. Might make it easier for you."

"Aw, how sweet."

"Shut up, Eddie."

"That's my line, V." The microwave pings, and Eddie pulls the tots out and sets to work on them after slathering them with chocolate sauce. (That's not a combination that should work, but by God, it does.) When they finish, Venom speaks up again.

"Why do you keep calling me V?"

Eddie shrugs. "It's a nickname. It's a sign of affection."

"What's a nickname?"

"It's the shortening of a name to make it easier to say, and also a sign of affection. You call me by my nickname all the time. My full first name is Edward. So people call me Eddie for short."

"I don't like Edward."

"I didn't choose my name. My parents gave me that name. And also, hey! What do you mean you don't like my name?"

"You don't seem like an Edward."

"And you would know that, how?"

Venom sends him the impression of a shrug as the portable oven dings. Eddie hops off the counter and goes to the oven, pulling the tots out of the oven and letting them cool while he digs in the fridge for the chocolate sauce. He sighs. "This is gonna be awful - I can't believe I'm doing this."

"Do it. I dare you."

"You already did!"

"I double dare you."

"Who the hell explained to you the concept of a dare?"

"You are aware I can read your mind, right?"

Eddie pauses for a second, then nods. "Fair enough." There's a pause, then he laughs. "I'm gonna have to invest in a bluetooth."

"A what? Why would you want your teeth blue?"

"I'll explain it later. Well, here goes nothing." And he takes a bite of chocolate covered tater tots. "That's - that's not half bad. That has no right to be good."

"It's delicious. Keep eating."

"You have no sense of taste."

"This from the man who eats cooked meat."

"Raw food will make me sick. I've explained this."

"No you haven't."

"Must have thought it, then."

"No you didn't!"

Eddie just grins to himself as he continues to eat the tots.

In short order, the tots are demolished, and Eddie sighs. "That shouldn't have been so filling." He stretches briefly, and then pauses as he finally starts to smell himself. "Jesus, I need a shower. I'm disgusting."

"I thought that's how all humans smell."

"God no! Jesus, I reek!" Eddie bursts into his bathroom only to sigh as he sees the downed shower curtain. "Shit. I forgot about that."

J"What's that?"

"I forgot to fix my shower curtain." Eddie sighs as he bends to pick it up. He glances at the ends, and the at the fixtures on the wall. Neither are busted, so he just slots the curtain back into them. "There. Uh, is there a way for you to like, close your eyes as I shower?"

"No. Why?"

"Do you have any concept of privacy?"

"No. Why?"

Eddie heaves a sigh. "Well, see, some humans are embarrassed when they're seen naked. Especially by someone they're, you know, not dating."

"I see."

He huffs a laugh. "No, you don't. Shit, man, how the hell am I gonna do this?"

"You're overthinking things. Just get in there and shower. Whatever the hell that is."

Eddie busts out laughing at that. "Okay, fine! I'm getting in!" With that he turns the shower on, strips down, and takes the quickest shower he possibly can and still get clean.

"What is the white stuff?"

"That would be soap, V."

"What does it do?"

"It gets me clean. Helps get rid of the dirt and the smell."

"I still think all humans smell like that."

"If I could, I'd flick soap at you." He gets out of the shower and dries off, quickly changing into fresh clothes. He grins. "Ah, I feel like a new man."

"Self-transformation is that easy?"

"Shut up, V."

Eddie gets the impression of an exasperated sigh as he staggers towards his bed. "Why do you keep telling me to shut up?"

"It's another term of endearment. Shut it, and let me sleep." Eddie collapses on his bed and sighs happily. "I have the best bed." he mutters into his pillow.

"What the hell am I supposed to do now?"

"Shut your mouth and let me sleep. Contemplate the universe, do some long division in your head. I don't care - let me sleep." With that, he passes the hell out.

Venom actually falls asleep as well, at some point during the night. After all, that explosion hurt him as well as Eddie, and he needs time to recover as well.

The knock on the door woke both of them up.

"The hell?"

"Eddie, you in there? It's Annie."

"I've changed my mind - can I eat her?"

Eddie doesn't even bother to answer that. Instead he gets up with a groan and throws on a shirt. ""m coming, 'm coming." He opens the door to a rather worried-looking Annie. "Yes?"

"I still think you need to go to the hospital." she says. "I mean, I saw you fall."

"I caught him!"

"You said Venom took the worst of it, but you still hit that water pretty hard. There's no telling what kind of internal damage you took."

"NONE, bitch, because I fixed it!"

Eddie's shoulders are starting to shake with the effort of holding in the laughter. Forget she can't actually hear you, V? to which Venom sends him the image of his middle finger. To Annie, he replies, "I'm fine, I promise. I don't really want your boyfriend poking at me anytime soon."

"That makes two of us." Venom is practically pouting now.

"He's here with me if that helps." Annie says, leaning out of the still busted hall window and motioning someone inside.

Eddie heaves a sigh. "I'm going back to bed."

"That's good! He'll be right up!" Annie says brightly.

"I can take her head off right here." Venom offers. "I don't want to be poked at."

"Annie, seriously, I'm fine. Please don't do this to me - I don't deserve it. I just wanna sleep for a century and pretend this never happened."

"HEY! I'm a treasure and you know it!"

Eddie sends Venom the impression of a patronising pat on the shoulder, and ignores the outraged yells in the back of his head. "I'm going back to bed."

"I still think - "

"I know what you think and I'm politely disagreeing with you." Eddie cuts across her as Dan walks up the stairs. "I'm sorry you made the trip for nothing, and I'm going back to bed."

"I'm not sorry."

Annie frowns. "You are way too stubborn for your own good."

"Bravo, genius, I figured that out 24 hours ago."

Eddie almost chokes, but then Dan completely distracts him. "Ideally, we really should get you into an MRI. There could be internal damage."

"THERE IS NO INTERNAL DAMAGE! I FIXED IT ALL DUMBASS!"

Annie holds up her hand, cutting off anything Eddie might say in response. "Venom isn't gone."

"Wait, how did she know that?"

Eddie smiles weakly. "You know me way too well."

She nods. "Yeah. That's the only reason I can think of that you'd be putting up this much of a fuss."

"Wait." Dan interrupts. "You mean that thing is still inside of him? I thought we got it out last time!"

Eddie's head snaps around and he points his finger at Dan, who immediately takes a step back. "He's not a thing. Shut your mouth."

"Pretty sure no one would mind if I ate him."

"Venom, please don't eat my boyfriend."

" . . . . Eddie, I think she reads minds."

Annie bites back a grin as Eddie's back stiffens just a bit. "He's wondering if I can read minds, isn't he?"

"Tell her to stop that right now. It's unnatural."

Eddie nods, the grin starting to show. "He's freaking out a little - he says it's unnatural."

"Too bad. Thirty minutes with him in my head was enough for me to figure out how he ticks."

"Now I have to go and do something especially awful. She's damaging my reputation."

"You don't have a reputation." Eddie mutters, shaking his head.

Dan just stands there, looking back and forth between them, dawning horror in his eyes. "That thing infected you?!" he almost screeches, looking at Annie, who freezes.

"Uh-oh. Trouble in paradise."

Annie offers a wry grin. "It was temporary. He didn't like it too much."

"Not Eddie." Venom is practically pouting. It makes Eddie grin.

"Yeah, he's rather partial to me."

Dan doesn't seem to think this is a good reason to not freak out. "Annie, it could have hurt you! You saw what it was doing to Eddie, right? I mean, it was eating his insides out!"

Now Eddie's starting to get pissed. "He's not an it. He's a he. And shut up about that, it was a misunderstanding. He wasn't doing it on purpose, he was just starving. He doesn't do it anymore, and he fixed the problem once he was back inside. So drop it."

Dan just gives him a look. "I think it altered your brain chemistry to make you want him."

"LIKE HELL I DID!"

Eddie physically flinches at the outraged bellow in his head. Before he can protest, Venom has projected himself out and over his shoulder, glaring at the doctor.

Dan takes a couple steps back, eyes wide.

"I am not going to hurt Eddie. I didn't mean to do it in the first place, and he knows that. We've reached an understanding, and if you must know, I've been working on healing his wounds and mine all night long." Venom growls, moving closer to pin Dan with his stare. "I'm tired, I'm hungry, and I'm tired of being accused of something I didn't mean to do."

Annie edges over to where Eddie is staring in shock at Venom. "Did you know he could do that?" she whispers, watching Venom dress her boyfriend down with surprising calm.

"Yeah. He's done that trick once before to talk to me." Eddie murmurs back. Apparently done yelling at the doctor, Venom sinks back into Eddie's body with an aggravated noise.

Dan turns to Annie. "Are you gonna let him talk to me like that?!"

"Yeah. You kind of deserved it, and honestly, I'm surprised he didn't take a chunk out of you." Annie says mildly. "Are you planning on calming down anytime soon?"

"Wanted to." Venom mutters darkly. Eddie just focuses on sending calm and reassurance his way. Venom must pick up on some of it, because he does get a little calmer. Dan just stares at the two of them.

"Okay, I'm sorry. I'll shut up about it."

"We appreciate that." Eddie says easily, and there's just enough of a threat in his voice to make Dan take another step back. He's not sure what Eddie himself is capable of, but he does know what Venom will do on Eddie's behalf. He doesn't want to die tonight.

Annie smacks Eddie on the back of the head. "Stop that."

'Hey! He started it!"

"I'm finishing it."

Venom is laughing by now. *"Real mature, Eddie."*

By the time Eddie manages to shoo Annie and Dan out the door, the symbiote is almost silent. Eddie ponders that briefly as he moves to the fridge to examine the contents. "Are you okay, V?"

"Tired. And hungry. Again." The irritable grumble tells Eddie he'd accidentally woken Venom up.

"Okay. We're making a grocery run. I have nothing in the fridge." Eddie pulls his socks and shoes on and heads out the door. "Anything in particular you want?"

"Fish."

"Sushi?" Eddie asks, looking around.

"What's sushi?"

"Raw fish wrapped around or in white rice. It's delicious, and now I want it, so that's what we're getting. First things first, though - a bluetooth headset."

"I still don't understand why you'd want your teeth to be blue."

Eddie laughs at that. "It's not really turning my teeth blue. That's just what they call it. It's a device that connects to my phone and let's me talk on it without having to hold it up to my head. I'm gonna use it to hide the fact that I'm actually talking to myself."

Venom considers this for a moment. *"Sounds wise."*

"Thanks, I thought so too." He hops on his bike and takes off. Venom pushes against his hands, trying to get him to accelerate. "No, V."

*"Wanna go fast. Like the first time."*

"The first time we were being chased by very angry men. The law frowns upon speeders."

*"Absolutely no fun."*

"Nope. Speeding tickets suck ass."

"They can't give you a ticket if they can't catch you." Venom says reasonably, trying again to take control of Eddie's hands, and pouting when he can't.

"Nice try. We're going the speed limit, then we'll feed you."

"What about that man. He looks tasty." Venom makes Eddie's head turn briefly to the man running for the bus pulling away.

"No, V." Eddie speeds away, weaving in and out of traffic, heading for the nearest electronics store. "We talked about this, no eating people."

"No, you talked and I pretended to listen."

"V." There's a wealth of exasperation in that one syllable. "No."

"You're no fun."

"Once again, cops tend to frown on that as well, and I have neither bail money nor ticket money." Eddie says, walking into the store. Venom stays silent, but he's watching intently as the clerk explains the function of the headset and how to connect it to his phone. 15 minutes later, they're out, Eddie has one earbud in, and instead of keeping his voice low, he talks normally.

And no one looks at them this time. Interesting.

*"What if I only ate certain humans?"*

"You really do have a one-track mind, don't you?"

*"I'm hungry. And raw fish only works so well."*

Eddie is very aware of that. It works, but only temporarily. "Let me think about it, okay? Eating people is one of those things that most people don't want to do. Ever." Maybe he can find a compromise.

*"Fine."* Venom is sulking, but not as badly as before. *"Fish will work tonight."*

"Good. Because I'm seriously craving it now." Eddie says. He climbs back onto the bike, and revs the engine, grinning at the roar of the bike. He heads out of the parking lot, and back to Chinatown, where he knows this good little sushi place.

"How much longer?"

"Keep your shirt on, not much longer. I just have to order the food, and then wait for it to be made. Ten minutes tops."

"How can I keep a shirt on if I don't wear one?"

"It's an expression, V. Just wait a little longer."

*"Your expressions are confusing."*

"Many humans would agree with you. But that's cultural differences for you."

Thankfully, Venom stays silent while Eddie orders the sushi. This only lasts as long as it takes to get the order and get back on his bike. *"Not all humans have the same culture?"*

"Nope. But let's get you used to this culture before we start introducing you to other countries."

*"Other countries. Like where sushi comes from."*

"Yep."

*"I want to learn about that country first."*

Eddie considers that for a moment. "We could ask Mrs Chen. She's an immigrant, grew up in China. So she probably wouldn't mind talking about home. But not tonight."

*"You are no fun at all."*

"Nope. My job is to be your impulse control."

*"Then my job is to corrupt you."*

Eddie groans loudly while Venom just laughs in his head. "That wasn't meant to be a challenge!"