Sabotage: Alternates

Smokescreen scowls. "My counterpart there is Prowl's second in the tactical department."

Prowl merely smirks. "And yet, despite everything, you're still not as good as I am."

Laughter erupts from the team. Jazz leans against his shoulder. "Prowler, mech, Ah love ya."

"Oh, I'm aware." Prowl smiles and pats Jazz's helm. "You can go to sleep. Between you and Blue, I'm not going anywhere."

"If he does, I'll scream, and you'll know about it." Blue says cheerfully.

Jazz snorts. "Ah don' doubt it."

Smokescreen throws his hands up in the air. "Why do I bother with you guys? You're all insane."

"And yet, we're still better liked than you." Mirage says with mock-thoughtfulness. "Funny how that works, huh?"

Jazz buries his snort into Prowl's shoulder, who merely grins. Smokescreen glares at them.

"Shove it up your tailpipes and rotate." he says, stalking off. Prowl watches him go with no small amount of amusement.

"His counterpart is actually a pretty decent mech. I liked him. Are we allowed to swap?" Prowl asks.

"Let's figure out how to get your twins back home first before we consider swapping problematic mechs." Mirage says with a grin, laughing out right when Prowl just groans.

"Why do you have to be so sensible?"

"Because Jazz doesn't like to be, and most of the time, you can't be bothered to. So someone has to, and more often than not, it's me." Mirage laughs.

"Bein' sensible's borin'. Not ta mention, if we were sensible, we wouldn' do our jobs right." Jazz grins.

At that point, Optimus walks in with Gunner. "Well, you guys are going to need something to keep you occupied for a few days." he says. "We don't want you running ops until we know for certain that Shockwave isn't going to just randomly snatch Prowl from us.

"It would be rather embarrassing to have your tactical support vanish halfway through a mission." Prowl muses. Mirage kicks him. Prowl merely grins. "Again, I might add."

"You suck." Mirage pouts.

"Yes, but I haven't heard complaints from anyone yet."

"And I'm scarred once again." Prime says absently. "Either way, in the absence of missions, Wheeljack set up a new paintball course in the basement levels of the base."

Now that has the team's attention. "When you say basement levels - " Bee begins.

"I mean the entirety of the detention cells, storage rooms, and access halls are yours to play in." Prime confirms. "That should keep you busy while Ratchet examines our newcomers to see if he can figure anything out."

The entire team turns to look at Prowl. Prowl merely stares at Prime. "Optimus, have I mentioned I love you lately?"

Prime laughs. "Not lately, but I know anyway. Now go - play. Jazz, if you want to watch instead, there's always the monitor room."

"Tha's deeply appreciated, Prime." Jazz doesn't lift his head. Prowl looks down at his shoulder.

"You know, I'm ten seconds away from just carrying you back to bed."

"Ah'd jus' get up an' find ya again. 'S a waste of time."

Mirage grins. "I think you should do it."

"You just want to use that to your advantage during the paintball game." Prowl accuses. "Because he'd head straight for me, not the monitor room."

"That may or may not have any bearing on my suggestion." Mirage says primly. "I'm only looking out for Jazz."

"Bullshit." Prowl says with a laugh. "Pure bullshit."

"Uh, look who you're talking to. I'm the king of bullshit."

"No, yer th' prince. Ah'm th' king. Don' get it twisted." Jazz says with a grin.

"Does that make Prowl the queen?" Bee wonders, making Mirage choke on his energon as he starts laughing.

Prime just chuckles. "Go. Get. Play. Mostly, get out of my wires. And Prowl - " he places a hand on Prowl's shoulder, "it's good to have you back."

Prowl smiles at him. "It's good to be back." He grabs Jazz's arm and pulls him to his feet. "Come on. To the monitor room with you."

"Okay."

-------\

Jazz watches the paintball fight on the monitors. So far, none of the team members have scored a solid hit on any of the others - however, a couple of paint bombs have been set off. And there are blacklights involved, so spotting Prowl is easy.

"I think I'm jealous of him."

Jazz glances behind him and sees Not-Prowl standing there. "Jealous of mah Prowl? Ah c'n see why - he's pretty awesome."

Someone pops off a shot at Prowl and manages to hit him in the shoulder. Prowl immediately spins around and returns fire, laughing hysterically. Blue's shouts of protest indicate he scored at least two hits, even if Jazz can't see him.

Not-Prowl shakes his helm. "He has a place with your team that's indisputable. I'm jealous of that."

Jazz keeps an optic on his team, but turns to look at Not-Prowl. "Ya ain't part o' ops where ya come from?"

"Only in the most technical sense. I help plan their missions, but I am not as invested in them as yours is. I am an outsider."

"If yer Jazz is anythin' like meh, he wants ya on th' team permanently. Ah don' know about him, but Ah like havin' th' best on mah team, an' Prowler, he's th' best." Jazz pauses. "In most regards, anyhow. He can't listen ta orders for shit."

That actually makes Not-Prowl crack a smile, and Jazz nods. "Knew we'd get there. Now, Ah've got two questions for ya."

Not-Prowl actually staightens a little, optics narrowing. Jazz shakes his head. "Relax - Ah ain't out ta pick a fight. I'm too tired for that." he glances back at the monitors and shakes his head as Hound catches Bee in the back. "One, ya wanna be part of ops, right?"

"To a degree, yes. I get along better with Jazz and his team than anyone else on base." Jazz nods slowly.

"Okay, then number two. Why ain't ya asked? Seems ta meh ya already kinda are ops, if yer mech's anythin' ta go by."

Not-Prowl shakes his helm. "I only wish it were that easy."

Jazz is pretty good at reading between the lines. "Yer scared ta ask."

"I've been rejected from teams before. They like my skills, but not enough to put up with my personality. Its a little demeaning."

Jazz shakes his helm. "Fer what it's worth, he ain' like that. He's been defendin' ya th' entire time he's been here. He likes ya. All of ya."

Not-Prowl smiles faintly. "Do you like all of your Prowl?"

Jazz flashes him a smirk. "Ya wanna watch Prowler decimate th' others?"

Not-Prowl nods and takes the empty seat beside Jazz. His head cocks to the side as he watches the match. "Why paintball?"

"'S an old tradition - one mah Prowler started. When he first joined up wit mah team, it was jus' me an' Raj. Hound was bein' loaned out ta another team at th' time, an' we'd jus' come back from a mission that went straight ta hell from th' word go. Th' tac officer we had was nice, a good mech, but he was bad at thinkin' on his feet. Prowl marched right in an' took over - kept me 'n Raj alive. By th' time we got back ta base, Prowler was gone - headed ta Iacon. I basically bullied Magnus an' Prime inta givin' meh Prowler. But we weren't allowed ta run ops for a month or so - th' psyche evals an' all that. So Raj an' I blew off some steam, mostly on each other, if Ah'm bein' honest. Prowler apparently saw one of our brawls, went ta Magnus, an' convinced him that this was a 'trainin' exercise'. So every time mah team's gonna be on base for an extended amount of time, this is what happens."

Not-Prowl nods slowly. "I think that the ops team back home could use an exercise similar to this. They get tense the longer they have no missions."

"Who all's on th' ops team on yer end?" Jazz asks, glancing over at the other mech.

"Jazz, of course, Mirage, Hound, and Bumblebee." Not-Prowl smiles slightly. "It's a small team."

"Mine keeps growin'." Jazz says with a grin. "Ya heard part of it earlier."

"Yes. You plan to have Blaster on the team as well."

"Mmhmm. Best damn communications mech in' th' business. Smokescreen don' like it, but th' mech was made for ops."

"I noticed you don't get along with your Smokescreen. I am friendly with the one back home."

"That confuses us, don' worry. Ah guess yer Smokey ain' got somethin' wrong with his personality chip. Ours does. Wanna trade?"

Not-Prowl has to chuckle at that. "Mine might have the same problem, but he's competent. I can get along with anyone who's good at their job."

Jazz snorts. "Ha. Ours ain't. Tried ta get us killed a few times cuz he thinks he knows better than Prowl. Fragger."

Not-Prowl blinks. "Huh. No, I think I'll keep my Smokescreen. You can keep yours."

"Well, hell. Worth a shot."

There's the sound of a paint bomb going off. Prowl manages to jump out of the way, but Mirage gets hit with the paint. "Not fair!"

"All's fair!"

Jazz laughs. "Gotta love his sense of humor."

"He would get along with my Jazz." Not-Prowl says with a faint smile. "They have similar personalities."

Jazz laughs. "Ah hear he already threw down with mah counterpart, put 'im on th' ground, too." There's no mistaking the pride in his voice, and it makes Not-Prowl laugh. The brightening of the monitors catches his optic.

"Is the game over?"

"Fer now - it's on a timer, 'cause knowin' us, we'd jus' keep playin' till we dropped. It's Prime's way of remindin' us that we need ta refuel, an' recharge. We're bad at that." Jazz turns and grins as everyone walks into the monitor room. "Yo. Who won?"

"Prowl did - he scored the most hits." Mirage grumbles. He's covered in neon purple paint with splatters of bright blue. "Bluestreak got me a few times, too."

"Ah c'n tell. Gettin' old?" Jazz teases.

Mirage flips him off. "Bite me."

"Not till ya wash that off, Ah won'." The snort of laughter next to him from Not-Prowl makes Jazz grin slightly wider.

Prowl smiles as he walks in. "Making friends, Jazz?"

"Ah'm naturally a charmer, what c'n Ah say?"

Prowl glances at his counterpart and grins. "We'll have to get you in there sometime. That ought to be fun."

"I still don't understand how Prowl can miss nine times out of ten on the gun range, but still manage to hit Bluestreak in the helm." Bee laughs.

The others start laughing while Prowl protests. "That was literally two feet away! If I can miss that I have no business on ops!"

Not-Prowl tilts his helm. "You are not a good shot?"

"I'm a terrible shot." Prowl admits with a cheeky grin. "That's why I use swords. I keep a gun as backup, but I don't use it."

"Except when Iacon got invaded." Hound comments with a grin.

Jazz laughs. "Tha's how Ah found him!"

Prowl protests over the howls of laughter, but Not-Prowl can see that he's laughing too. He's just comfortable with this group, especially Jazz and Blue, and he can't help but sigh a little. Maybe his counterpart has a point.

Not-Jazz wanders in, relaxing a little as he finds Not-Prowl. Jazz glances over at him. "Come ta join th' fun? We're makin' friends."

"Ah woke up an' he'd disappeared on meh." Not-Jazz says with a shrug. "Ah took a shot in th' dark an' guessed he'd find his way ta ya'll." He grins. "An' it looks like Ah was right."

"I merely had a question for their Jazz." Not-Prowl says with a faint smile. He makes the mistake of looking over at Jazz, who grins.

"What we were talkin' about earlier? Now would be a good time ta ask." Jazz says quietly. He raises his voice a little to be heard over the teasing. "Mah team, let's go - these two need ta talk, an' ya'll need ta refuel."

Not-Jazz pauses. "Am Ah in trouble?" he asks, eyeing his partner.

"Not at all." Not-Prowl throws a glare at Jazz, who shrugs it off with a grin.

"Yer welcome!" Jazz sing-songs as he herds his team out of the room. He looks back and grins. "Ya've got this, Prowl. An' if ya don', Ah'll kick 'is ass." he pauses. "But, Ah don' think that'll be necessary."

That makes Not-Prowl laugh as Not-Jazz looks back and forth between them. "Much appreciated, Jazz. Now go."

Prowl glances over his shoulder at them. "What was that about?"

Jazz shrugs. "Ah may or may not be playin' Matchmaker." he says with a cheeky grin. "Ah git bored if Ah can' meddle."

Prowl laughs and shakes his helm. "You are absolutely hopeless, you know that?"

"Ya might have said it once or twice."

"As long as you know."

((Headaches are not conducive to plot bunnies. Crap.))

Mirage looks back with a puzzled frown. "Is everything okay? I mean, I know Prowl got into his circuits pretty good earlier."

"Yeah, he's fine." Jazz says with a grin. "He's jus' askin' if maybe he c'n have a spot in ops. Among other things."

"Like a spot in Other-Jazz's berth?" Bee asks with a snicker.

"Ah guess so? Ah didn' ask how long they've known each other - an' that mech is so hard ta read, Ah can' tell if he's got a thing fer mah counterpart or not." Jazz says with a faint sigh. "Ah don' like admittin' that, either."

Prowl grins and pats his shoulder. "There, there."

"Imma take yer hand off at the wrist. Jus' watch." Jazz says with a grin.

"You'd have to catch me first." Prowl says cheerfully as they sit down at their table. "And I'm damn hard to catch."

Bluestreak snorts. "Not really." At Prowl's affronted look, he continues. "All I have to do to find you is look for Jazz."

Jazz bursts out laughing as Prowl facepalms. "He's got ya there, Prowler!"

"What was that about taking your hand off at the wrist?"

Mirage exchanges looks with Hound and shakes his head. "It's not just your counterpart that wants a place in Prowl's berth." he mutters.

Jazz kicks him under the table. "Ya wanna say that agin?"

"I'll say it again, and louder. Just in case Prowl didn't hear me." Mirage retorts. "Or you can, you know, do something about that torch of yours."

Blue looks over at them. "What torch?"

Bee shakes his head. "He's talking about that crush Prowl and Jazz have on each other that they like to pretend doesn't exist."

"Oh, that torch. Yeah, that's really obvious to the rest of us."

Jazz splutters while Prowl simply looks up the ceiling, not entirely able to hide his smirk.

Not-Jazz and Prowl walk into the room, and Jazz cocks his head at them. "Get everythin' squared away?"

"Yes. Thank you for your advice." Not-Prowl says with a nod. "May we join you?"

"Knock yerselves out." Jazz scoots over a little, nudging Prowl in side. "Scoot."

"What if I don't want to?" Prowl asks with a laugh.

"Ah'll have Blue turn th' puppy optics on ya."

Blue looks up from where he's making a little room on the other side of the table for Not-Jazz. "I'll do it, too." He looks over at Not-Jazz. "That enough room?"

"Yeah, thanks, kiddo."

"No problem!" Blue grins and settles back into his seat and watches as Prowl and Jazz bicker back and forth as Not-Prowl sits down. "I missed this." he says cheerfully.

Not-Jazz watches the mechs bicker with Blue. "They always argue like that?"

"Nah - they're not serious. I think they've only seriously argued once. Maybe twice."

"It's 'cause Prowler here can' listen fer shit. Ah keep tellin' ya'll that." Jazz says with a laugh. "If ya hear us arguin', it's prolly 'cause he pulled some stupid ass stunt."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Prowl says loftily. "I always follow orders."

The responding chorus of bullshit has him laughing. "When it suits me to." he finishes.

"So, never then." Mirage says. "Good to know."

Not-Prowl blinks. "You blatantly disregard orders?" He almost sounds horrified. "How have you not been reprimanded yet?"

"He has." Blue says cheerfully. "It hasn't stopped him."

"Better to ask forgiveness than permission." Prowl says with a grin.

Jazz laughs. "Yeah, see, Ah'd believe that if ya ever asked fergiveness. But ya don't. Ya just smile and do it again."

"Yeah, I think their worst argument was the first time we went against Shockwave." Hound says. "Prowl wasn't supposed to leave the check point. But he lost contact with us, so he came barging in, swords first. Damn near gave Jazz a spark attack."

There's a loud clang, and Prowl yelps. "What was that for?" he yanks his legs out of Jazz's reach.

"Ah hadn' kicked yer ass fer that." Jazz says primly, sitting back in his seat. Not Prowl blinks at both of them.

"Did you just - kick him?"

"Yep."

"He does that a lot." Bee says with a grin. "It's a bad habit he picked up from Prime. Prime kicks Gunner a lot."

"Tha's 'cause Gunner an' Prime got it bad fer one another, an' tha's how they show affection." Jazz says with a grin. "Ah use it as negative reinforcement." He slides a look Prowl's way. "Or try ta, at any rate."

"It's never stopped me before, why would you think it would now?" Prowl asks with a wide grin.

"A mech c'n dream."

"Wait - your Prime and the mech called Gunner are in a relationship?" Not-Prowl's back to sounding vaguely horrified.

"Not yet, but it's comin'. Why?" Jazz looks over to Prowl for confirmation, and gets a nod.

"Because he's bonded to Elita-1 where we're from."

There's a few seconds of dead silence at the table before everyone save for Not-Prowl and Jazz just crack up.

Prowl finally gets himself under control enough to speak. "Yeah, trust me - here, that relationship is strictly professional." he chuckles. "Pretty sure Elita is bonded to Moonracer - or if she's not, she will be soon."

"How the hell do you know that?" Not-Jazz demands.

That earns him another smirk. "Hazard of dealing with Prime the way I have. I learn things."

"More like hazard of having you sneak around like you do." Prime says from behind them.

Prowl tilts his head back and grins up at him. "You know you love me."

"Yeah, that's your only saving grace." Optimus smiles at him before walking off, energon cube in hand. "Don't traumatise them too badly, please. I don't think Ratchet would appreciate that."

"Yes, Dad."

"And don't you forget it!"

There's another couple seconds of silence after Optimus leaves the group. Not-Jazz breaks it. "Yet Prime's kid?"

"Adopted." Prowl clarifies.

There's a pop, and Not-Prowl falls to the floor.

Both Jazzes look down at the mech on the floor, at each other, then back down. Not-Jazz sighs and get up, lifting the unconscious mech off the ground. "Well, it was bound ta happen sooner or later." he says with a wry grin. "Ah've been listenin' ta th' gears grindin' in his head since ya'll left us earlier."

Bee grins. "We're not that confusing once you get to know us, promise."

"Ah think Ah've got ya'll pegged. Ah jus' gotta walk mah Prowler through it." Not-Jazz says with a laugh. "Ah think yer Jazz is growin' on 'im, though."

Jazz grins. "What c'n Ah say? Ah'm like a fungus. Ah'll grow on jus' about everyone."

That makes the entire table crack up. Mirage grins widely. "Truer words have never been spoken." he looks up at Not-Jazz. "Go get him fixed."

"Do Ah have ta worry about yer Ratchet throwin' a wrench at mah head?"

Prowl laughs. "He saves that for the Twins, mostly. They like to get under his plating."

"Ah'll bear that in mind. Later, mechs." With that, Not-Jazz walks off, the unconscious mech over his shoulders.

Prowl just watches them go. "Huh. That's just odd."

"Yeah, kinda freaked meh out first time it happened." Jazz comments. "Now Ah'm just surprised he don' do it every time he realizes he's on Cybertron agin."

That earns him a laugh. "Truer words. Hound, if you don't keep staring at me - "

"I'm sorry! It's the dampener, it's freaking me out!"

"Yeah, I think we might have to go and bust Shockwave up ourselves to solve that problem." Mirage comments.

"Ah'd rather not." Jazz retorts.

"Yeah, well - I have to agree with Hound. This thing is not comfortable. Kinda reminds me of Shockwave's dampener, except I can still feel my wings."

"Well, once we've got a plan that'll actually kill Shockwave an' keep 'im that way, we'll get rid of th' fraggin' thing." Jazz says with a grin.

"Well then, I should probably get to work." Prowl stands, and stretches briefly. "I'll go find my counterpart and see if he'd be willing to help. Between the two of us, we should be able to come up with something that'll work."

Mirage raises an optical ridge. "You mean you can actually play nice with him?"

"I'm going to try? Our styles might be just different enough that it'll actually work out." Prowl shrugs. "I mean, if Jazz can have a civilized conversation with him, it shouldn't be that difficult, right?"

"Need Ah remind ya he came ta meh with a question?" Jazz points out with a grin. "Kinda different from plannin' a full-scale invasion."

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained." Prowl says with a grin. "Be back in a bit."

"Good luck, mah mech."

Prowl finds his counterpart fully awake in the medbay. He smiles at the other mech. "So, I hear you get along with Jazz pretty well."

"Both versions, apparently." Other-Prowl comments dryly. "Are you here to cause me more problems?"

"No. I'm here to hopefully solve both our problems." Prowl leans against the wall in front of him. "Want to help me plot Shockwave's death so we can send you home?"

Other-Prowl stares at him. "You want my help to plan things?"

"I want your help to plan chaos."

"I would say you can't plan chaos, but somehow I think you can manage it."

"You're learning." Prowl smiles. "So what do you think."

Other-Prowl considers. Slowly, he smiles as well. "I think Shockwave isn't going to know what hit him."

As the two Prowls plan, Not-Jazz excuses himself and hunts down the rest of Prowl's team. He finds them in the training room, checking weapons and sparring.

"Mind if Ah join ya?"

Jazz looks up. "Not at all. Ah assume that our respective Prowlers are plannin' ta make Shockwave's life very short?"

"Yup. Ah imagine they'll butt heads over how it oughta be done, but that ain' my jurisdiction. This is more mah speed."

"We're jus' gettin' ready." Jazz finishes sharpening his wrist daggers, and tucks them away, pulling out two impressive swords. Not-Jazz nods.

"Ah recognize those. Yer Prowl held one of 'em ta mah throat when we first met."

"Ah don' doubt it." Jazz says, beginning to sharpen one. "He can' aim for shit, but he's damn near a master with these."

"He lets you do this?"

"Let's jus' say Ah'm an old hand at sharpenin' blades." Jazz's smile is somewhat unnerving. He doesn't glance up. "Raj, get Blue in th' ring, have 'im spar a little."

"Oh, come on!" Blue protests. Mirage laughs.

"Come on, Blue - let's see what you got!"

"I hate close combat! I suck at it!"

"An' that's why yer sparrin' him!" Jazz says cheerfully, never looking up from the swords. "Hop to it."

"I hate you, Jazz!"

Other-Jazz laughs. "Nice ta know some things don' change. Mah Blue ain' much of a fighter, either."

Jazz smirks. "Oh, he'll fight. He just prefers to do it at a distance."

"Mah Blue never was one fer killin'. Hates havin' ta do it."

Blue's helm pops up at that. "Why? If I don't kill them, they'll kill me, and frankly, I like living."